Unbound tears

How easy would it be, she thought? A device where you just press a button and vanish. No sweat. No blood. No tears. Just vanish, she thought! 

Her mere existence to all, such an inconvenience after all! 

If only it were easy to end life and move on to the next, and the next, and the next. Guaranteed "no toxicity". Guaranteed "loads of peace". Guaranteed  "forever sleep". Guaranteed "forever happiness". Just open the gates, press the button and "pooooof"! 

If it were my choice, I would have made this device loooooong ago! 

I just wanted to vanish somewhere - where my traces wouldn't be traced, where I could be ME, where I did not have to be someone else. where I could just swim in a limitless ocean and not look back, where I would find a soulmate who would have me for what I am. 

Flowing unbound tears down the cheeks, 
Drenched by a flooded river!

Saaya

Kuchh hai jo ab bhi hai baaki,

Kuchh hai jo ab bhi hai zinda,
Kuchh hai jo ab bhi hai kayam,
Wo hai meri hasti! 

Pehchaan hai meri, 
Wo muskurahat bhi meri,
Wo baatein bhi meri,
Wo zubaan bhi meri! 

Saaya hoon main apna! 

Closure

I want closure! I want an end. I want to be me. I want to be myself. I look for closures everywhere. I look for the ending of a book.

I look for the ending

of a movie.

I just want everything to end. I want to smash me to smithereens and be reborn.

Crumple and cry, Fold myself and breathe --- inhale and exhale.

I don’t want to be judged anymore. I don’t want to be glared at anymore, I don’t want to be pinpointed anymore,

I want to be free.

I just want me back.

I want to be invisible. I want to vanish. I just want to disappear.

I want to cry, Till my heart hurts, Tears unshed, there are myriad.

Tired of the gnawing silence within me, I can't stand this anymore.

Praying for a closure.

Suffocating myself, closing myself in a room.

A decade of silence, I want to end it. A decade of darkness – just want to end it.

I want my sunshine back.

I want to laugh aloud. I want to swim in deep waters. I want to run free in the sand. I just want to be me!

Is it a crime to be me?? Is it wrong to be myself? Is it bad to speak out? Is it bad to crumble? I just want to be me!

Musings of a Lover

Time stands still for some,
Frames freeze over,
Moments flood for some,

Hearts warm up, 

The thudding goes faster.
Old memories bounce in full force,
Soul gets drenched in the memory storm.

Emotions overwhelm the soul.
Tears flow down unabated, 

The heart is in standby mode.

Thumping heartbeats remind of the past, 
A face flashes past the eyes.

The first time we met, 
The first time we touched,
The first time we kissed,
The first time we walked hand in hand.
Sweet nothings we whispered,
Secret smiles shared!

Ah! Those memories drench me in sweat.

Sweaty palms seeing the one you love,
Separated by timelines, borders,
Secretly wishing those times back.

Times move on, moments and us too.

Never say never, told my friend!

Let love knock on your door once more!

The Vanishing button

How easy would it be, she thought? A device where you just press a button and vanish. 

No sweat. 

No blood. 

No tears. 

Just vanish, she thought! 

Her mere existence to all, such an inconvenience after all! 

If only it were easy to end life and move on to the next, and the next, and the next.

Guaranteed "no toxicity".     

Guaranteed "loads of peace". 

Guaranteed "forever sleep". 

Guaranteed "forever happiness". 

Just open the gates, press the button and "pooooof"! 

If it were her choice, she would have made this device long ago! 

All she wanted was to vanish somewhere - where her traces wouldn't be traced, where she could be herself, where she did not have to be someone else. where she could just swim in a limitless ocean and not look back, where she would find a soulmate who would have her for what she is. 

Flowing unbound tears down the cheeks, 
Drenched by a flooded river,

She sank inside forever!