A mum-to-be's blues

Hey Diary,

Each day is different for a mum-to-be. She goes through myriad emotions daily. A daddy-to-be may or may not understand these emotions and feelings. This is the reason why a woman feels more left out and neglected as her emotions are put on the back-burner. Even the in-laws think its okay to take the daughter-in-law for granted. It does not matter whether she likes to do a particular chore or not, or even her voice does not seem to matter. In fact, the more voiceless she is, the more fun the in laws can have at her expense. 

Even if the woman is pregnant, there is nothing called pampering or making her feel good. It is in fact, sadly considered by some weird in-laws that wives/daughter-in-laws should not get adequate attention, especially when they are pregnant. It does not matter if her antenatal appointment is cancelled. It doesn't matter if she skips a doctor's visit. After all, she is carrying a stranger's baby, right?? How crass and crude, isn't it? No one has time to think about the mother-to-be or her feelings. As long as she maintains her silence, she is considered an angel, else considered a rebel or even in some cases, a wife who shirks from household duties.Why? Just because she decides to take a stand for herself and does something that is non-traditional or out of the way. The moment she expresses dissent, she instantly becomes the quintessential bad 'bahu'/wife/ daughter-in-law/mother/woman.While at the same time, if the guy refuses to be social or polite with his in-laws, it is considered okay.

A letter from Mommy to Daddy

Hello Daddy :)

Just like you are going to be a dad, I am gonna become a mum soon. Its a happy time for both of us. But for a mom, its a more demanding time, both physically and mentally. So if a mommy has a daddy's emotional and physical support, then mommy can cope up with her health much better. A mommy undergoes a lot of mood swings and all she wants is that she has daddy beside her to keep telling her "all is well", "you are doing fine", "I really love you, sweetheart", "Don't you worry" and "don't think you are alone". I know a dad always means these things, but its just that mommy wants to hear these words aloud as well.

You must be wondering why mommy is writing this mail. She felt that she needed to tell you some things about her pregnancy. There will be times when mommy might get extra emotional - for instance, feel like crying or maybe she might be extra happy as well. But remember that she doesn't dictate these emotions. Her body is undergoing loads of hormonal changes and so she will need some extra caring and sensitivity from you. Mommy knows that she is demanding a little extra attention, but pregnant women undergo a lot of hormonal changes in the body and need that extra emotional support from their baby's daddy. For instance, mommy will want a hug from you every now and then. This means it would be really nice if you put the "schedule" on the back burner at times, especially when mommy is in distress (for instance, if she has had a bout of vomiting or is feeling dizzy), you could stay back and take care of mommy...make sure she is okay and then go to work. The reason being mommy and daddy are alone here...and are the only ones for each other. Mommy would love to have an emotional and physical support from you. Mommy understands u cannot neglect your work/office, but sparing an extra 5-10 mins to make sure she is okay would really help her feel good. Mommy knows it might not be possible for you to physically comfort her when you have guests or people staying at home, but if you could smile more often and taking her out for a walk (so that mommy could vent out her feelings), thenmommy can cope up with her health better. After all, mommy is not asking you for any material comforts. Its just emotional and physical comfort that she needs. 

Another thing that mommy wants you to know is that she is cooking or doing work at home not only for herself but also for daddy. So whenever she makes anything or does something special, do make mommy feel special by appreciating her (kissing her hand/face). Do not ever think anything is a burden for mommy. So it would be nice if you tell her that that you appreciate her hard work. At this point, mommyneeds to feel that she is wanted by daddy. So, just love her unconditionally because she loves you a lot and hates to feel left out by daddy or being let down.

Mommy loves daddy a lot!

Muaaaah,

Mommmy 

The Notebook

“So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me.....every day.”  

― Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

Javed Akhtar's poem...

जब जब दर्द का बादल छाया....

जब गम का साया लहराया....

जब आँसू पलकों तक आया.....

जब ये तन्हा दिल घबराया....

हमने दिल को यह समझाया....

दिल आखिर तू क्यों रोता है....

दुनिया में यूँ होता है...............

ये जो गहरे सन्नाटे है....

वक़्त ने सबको ही बांटे है....

थोड़ा गम है सबका किस्सा....

थोड़ी धूप है सबका हिस्सा....

आँख तेरी बेकार ही नम है....

हर पल एक नया मौसम है....

क्यो तू ऐसे पल खोता है ....

दिल आखिर तू क्यों रोता है ...........

s

A whirpool of blues...

Walking on a foggy mornin',

I look around;

A mirage of faces

A face stares back at me

Brown eyes lit with fire.

Relationship phobia or escapism?

I would like to begin with a few questions to all: First, Of late, do you resist going for hanging out session or a drink with your buddies? If yes, then, what are the million dollar excuses you have given? Second, if you do meet an interesting guy in a party, what is your initial reaction? And if he approaches you, do you step back and refuse politely or rudely ask him to back off? Most likely, you would retreat to the shadows, stand in a corner, nursing a drink alone, gazing longingly at your friends enjoying themselves.

Its not like you hate socialising, but you have just come out of a bitter break off. It gets worse, if you are emotionally-strung too. It happens to the best of people after all, we all are sensitive human beings and can get affected by breakups. It really does not matter how long your relationship lasted. But, the moments itself can take you to a fantastic high and bring you crashing.

Each time, a breakup can leave you sour and make you rethink on entering a relationship again. For some people, its far easier to get over a guy named 'loser' and move on to a 'much better' guy (as named by us). Sadly for some, it can turn them relationship phobic. It means that they would envy their friends having a partner, but would hate having one. This is the side they would portray to their friends or potential dates. They would try to turn off everyone who wanted them to date.

I would hate labelling them 'relationship-phobic', would rather put it as 'once bitten, twice shy!' ;)

I, Me, Myself...

I, Me, Myself...

Is that we are today?

A clash of egos, a bundle of complexes

Is that all we have to show?

To the world today, we are humanity...

But in our conscience,

We are perpetrators of innocent souls.

Our religion has changed...

Nuclear weapons and Ak 47s – the new Gods.

Mass destruction, our youth's motto.

Children play more with ammunition...

That's what they are given at birth.

Jehad, holy war is the name given to all atrocities,

Where are our ethics & morals?

Trudging across landscapes dotted with warfields and burials for the dead;

With

At crossroads of time

So many thoughts engulf me,

Scare me, put my wits on edge.

Fears of the unknown plague a wounded soul,

Hungry, wild thoughts gnaw, threaten to break the mind's equilibrium.

Breathing raggedly, the heart thumps wildly at the doors,

Wet palms, trembling fingers shake a glass of water,

Setting in motion the vibrations at the surface.

Bubbling from within, crosscurrents of feelings

Raising goosebumps,

Frayed nerves reach a boiling point,

Convection currents cause the uppermost calm to sink,

Innermost turmoil bubbles over, spills, scalds the thin skin of emotions

Scarring mind, body and soul!

Years pass by, 

Scars darkened by the volcanic lava of emotional outbursts, turn numb

Dead skin gives way to new skin cells

Ugly, old scars buried.

Happiness resonates in a love-starved soul.

Wind chimes ringing in the chambers of the heart

Soulful music ensconces, encompasses, engulfs the body,

Sweet melody whispers in the ear, 

Passing by like a flutter in the wind, 

A breeze laced with the fragrance of nectar, 

drugs me into a soulless sleep.

Shakespeare and love...

'What' and ‘if’ two words as non-threatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life... (Film: Letters To Juliet)

Love...an enigma!

Love is so misunderstood. Be it with friends or family or companions, it still remains fraught with ambiguity and tension. We cloak it with our endless expectations, willing the other person to change and bend to our will and yet we call it ‘love’ for the other one. We demand a certain attitude, we beg for openness and the ability to understand, we hope for gentleness – and yet, we may never show any of that ourselves, when it is called for, when the needle spins and points to us. But there are moments in a certain relationship or scenario, when you know in your heart, that you did what you could – nothing, no force, could have made you give any less or any more. That is the point in your own evolution and inner growth, when you know that you have peaked, at least for the time being, until life prods you towards the next level. At such a moment, even if the world collapses upon itself, you remain unfazed simply because only you know that every ounce of your strength went into keeping it in motion. If despite that, the collapse took place, it was meant to. Don’t always look for love when love is so fleeting, so boxed in, so convenient. Live alone within, be one with yourself, be stable in your deepest spot. Take strength from the knowledge of who you are and what you did – you remained selfless; you were a bigger person; you exceeded your own capacity and limit. That is something which should make you proud – not pride as in a pat on the back, well done, swollen head…… no, pride that a test was put forth and you sailed; when you could have chosen from a thousand roads, you took the one that was the hardest but the only one which could save. It may not save the relationship but it saved you because you know the effort and the determination with which you walked, an uphill task which you performed. So take that strength and know that while love is fleeting, while love is strange, while love is really so misunderstood, it exists. It exists because you yourself are a symbol of that love.