Letting you go

I decided to let you go.

A loss for me, a win for you,

But I let you go.

It wasn't meant to be,

You and I weren't meant to be.

From the start to the finish,

we were broken pieces.

Broken pieces don't fit in!

Empty beds, empty rooms, silent anger,
Slammed doors, unanswered questions,
An endless silence!

Blaring TV sets, untouched meals, unshed tears.

Cracks deepen, walls crash,

Debris remain!

Dead relationships find their grave!

Living like an incomplete jigsaw puzzle,

The Yin and Yang all messed up,

We moved apart further!

We just didn't fit, 
We couldn't be fixed.

One last time we met,
I wished you happiness,

I decided to let you go.

A loss for me, a win for you,

But I let you go!

Truant Thy Love

 She looked for it everywhere.

A mirage appeared wherever she went.

Each lane, each corner had love stamped on it.

“Where art thou, love”, she wondered.

But love played truant.

Love’s many forms, she was unable to see.

There was only one for her: 

her lost love.

Love played games with her,

Cupid was no less.

Both truant!

Tired, she stopped walking,

Sitting under a tree, she spots a mirror. 

An image she did not recognize:

worn-out clothes, disheveled hair, dark circles under her eyes,

cracked toenails, chipped fingernails.

Unrecognizable, she was distraught.

Who am I? Where did I come from?

Questions haunted her like a tyrant spirit.

She got up, walked on.

A tiny path to a house, a cobblestone road,

A small brook, birds chirping in the woods,

Familiar smells of a time gone by,

Memories enveloped her in a warm embrace.

An old photograph, a diary, few clothes, cluttered stationery,

Bits of paper, yellowing books, old letters, doodles and scribbles,

Remnants of her past in a box.

Crouched on her haunches, 

Aroma from an opened box filled her senses.

She turned the pages of her diary,

Each word spoke to her,

Told tales of the yore.

Grainy photographs had tons to tell,

Familiar old faces, moments captured random, 

Tingling sensations of butterflies in her tummy,

Memories of an old crush, first love lingered.

With a teardrop glistening in her eyes, she smiled!

Unbound tears

How easy would it be, she thought? A device where you just press a button and vanish. No sweat. No blood. No tears. Just vanish, she thought! 

Her mere existence to all, such an inconvenience after all! 

If only it were easy to end life and move on to the next, and the next, and the next. Guaranteed "no toxicity". Guaranteed "loads of peace". Guaranteed  "forever sleep". Guaranteed "forever happiness". Just open the gates, press the button and "pooooof"! 

If it were my choice, I would have made this device loooooong ago! 

I just wanted to vanish somewhere - where my traces wouldn't be traced, where I could be ME, where I did not have to be someone else. where I could just swim in a limitless ocean and not look back, where I would find a soulmate who would have me for what I am. 

Flowing unbound tears down the cheeks, 
Drenched by a flooded river!

Saaya

Kuchh hai jo ab bhi hai baaki,

Kuchh hai jo ab bhi hai zinda,
Kuchh hai jo ab bhi hai kayam,
Wo hai meri hasti! 

Pehchaan hai meri, 
Wo muskurahat bhi meri,
Wo baatein bhi meri,
Wo zubaan bhi meri! 

Saaya hoon main apna! 

Closure

I want closure! I want an end. I want to be me. I want to be myself. I look for closures everywhere. I look for the ending of a book.

I look for the ending

of a movie.

I just want everything to end. I want to smash me to smithereens and be reborn.

Crumple and cry, Fold myself and breathe --- inhale and exhale.

I don’t want to be judged anymore. I don’t want to be glared at anymore, I don’t want to be pinpointed anymore,

I want to be free.

I just want me back.

I want to be invisible. I want to vanish. I just want to disappear.

I want to cry, Till my heart hurts, Tears unshed, there are myriad.

Tired of the gnawing silence within me, I can't stand this anymore.

Praying for a closure.

Suffocating myself, closing myself in a room.

A decade of silence, I want to end it. A decade of darkness – just want to end it.

I want my sunshine back.

I want to laugh aloud. I want to swim in deep waters. I want to run free in the sand. I just want to be me!

Is it a crime to be me?? Is it wrong to be myself? Is it bad to speak out? Is it bad to crumble? I just want to be me!

Musings of a Lover

Time stands still for some,
Frames freeze over,
Moments flood for some,

Hearts warm up, 

The thudding goes faster.
Old memories bounce in full force,
Soul gets drenched in the memory storm.

Emotions overwhelm the soul.
Tears flow down unabated, 

The heart is in standby mode.

Thumping heartbeats remind of the past, 
A face flashes past the eyes.

The first time we met, 
The first time we touched,
The first time we kissed,
The first time we walked hand in hand.
Sweet nothings we whispered,
Secret smiles shared!

Ah! Those memories drench me in sweat.

Sweaty palms seeing the one you love,
Separated by timelines, borders,
Secretly wishing those times back.

Times move on, moments and us too.

Never say never, told my friend!

Let love knock on your door once more!

The Vanishing button

How easy would it be, she thought? A device where you just press a button and vanish. 

No sweat. 

No blood. 

No tears. 

Just vanish, she thought! 

Her mere existence to all, such an inconvenience after all! 

If only it were easy to end life and move on to the next, and the next, and the next.

Guaranteed "no toxicity".     

Guaranteed "loads of peace". 

Guaranteed "forever sleep". 

Guaranteed "forever happiness". 

Just open the gates, press the button and "pooooof"! 

If it were her choice, she would have made this device long ago! 

All she wanted was to vanish somewhere - where her traces wouldn't be traced, where she could be herself, where she did not have to be someone else. where she could just swim in a limitless ocean and not look back, where she would find a soulmate who would have her for what she is. 

Flowing unbound tears down the cheeks, 
Drenched by a flooded river,

She sank inside forever!

Kuchh ankahe raaz

 

Dil ke alfaaz

 

Saaya